Congressman Stephen F. Lynch presented the James F. Gavin Award to Erin Murphy at our Anniversary Dinner. Please take a moment to read Erin’s acceptance speech. It is a beautiful and inspirational message to families struggling with addiction issues. Thank you Erin for sharing your story.
It was an honor to be able to share my story with over 600 people tonight at the Gavin Foundation Anniversary Dinner. Thank you for all the love in the room and God bless those in recovery. A few people asked if I would share my speech so here it is. I hope I was able to give comfort to at least one person in the room.
Hello, my name is Erin Murphy and I have been a mother for 26 years. It wasn’t until February of 2014, as I sat in the emergency room waiting to see if my son was going to live, did I finally realize that I was doing this whole mothering thing wrong. Most mothers nag, yell and just talk at their children and hope they will learn the important life lessons from it. That wasn’t working that well for us and it was at that point I realized that I had to start actually MOTHERING and stop just being a mother. I had to lead by example, I had to listen, I had to be around, be supportive and show that I loved but most importantly I had to FORGIVE. I had to forgive myself, I had to forgive my family and I had to really forgive my son. Not just say that I did, but then bring up something he did in the past that hurt us and hold that over his head in hopes that it would motivate him to seek recovery. I needed to start mothering and help him realize his amazing worth and that his kind, charming personality was such a positive force in our family and that we wanted him back. Back to feeling that he was needed, not a burden or a secret to be kept. He was my son and I loved him with all my heart and I wanted him to love himself again.
But how? How do addicts get better? How do they find treatment? How do they know where to go or who to call? The most important thing I learned that day was that I couldn’t help my son if I continued to pretend there wasn’t a problem or if I continued to hide his pain. I had to name it and I had to be ok with saying it out loud. My son is an addict and he needs help. It was hard at first, but like anything in life it got easier the more I did it. The more people I shared my story with the more I learned that so many families struggle with addiction in silence. They become isolated when what they need most is to be surrounded by people who care. We need to keep talking about it and we need to be more supportive and less judgmental.
Brian eventually got a bed at the Gavin House and graduated six months later. He had grown so much and had been taught many important life coping skills while he was there that I was optimistic. Unfortunately, he relapsed but the good thing was that he got himself right back into treatment. I called John McGahan and he helped Brian find his way to the Answer House.
That is how I ended up running the Boston Marathon this year and raising money for the Gavin Foundation. I had never run a marathon before and I was scared but I knew I had to be strong. Training for a marathon in the bitter cold and snow was a good way to test my strength. When a run seemed like it may never end and the pain made me want to stop, I would remind myself that I had it so much easier than those struggling with addiction.
Once I started to tell people that I was running they would always ask, “That’s great but what’s your cause?” I knew what my cause was but how would I get others to care about it with me? There are so many great charities that people will rally around you for and donate money to, but how was I going to get people to give me money for addiction? Maybe if I was just honest, and told people my story and explained how there are not enough beds for those ready for recovery and that the Gavin House does such amazing work then people would care and start donating. I talked about it all the time to anyone who was willing to listen. About how hard each day is for those trying to stay sober and that without the support and resources the Gavin Foundation offers that so many people wouldn’t have a chance at recovery. Well, people did care and were so generous. It was a bit overwhelming.
I had my marathon shirt printed with the words HEROIN SUCKS across the front and ran from Hopkinton to Boston with cheers from the crowd and even a few hugs from strangers. I am running the 2016 Boston Marathon to raise awareness and money for the Gavin Foundation. This time my shirt will say “HEROIN STILL SUCKS”.
